i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
