Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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