You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
