You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i've created a new STD.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
