it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
