so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
