did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
