it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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