So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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