ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
