Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
