i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
