Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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