I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
