I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
