For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
