You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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