The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His nipple licking is glorious
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