The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
