his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
