How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
