kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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