if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
