hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
