Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
