Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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