Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
