I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
