The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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