Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
