Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
