HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
