Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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