I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
