Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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