I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
