what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
