Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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