Dual....:-)
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
