How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
