If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
