hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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