His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
