WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
