I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
