Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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