My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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