Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
