NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
