we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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